Maekor Stormborn
H A V O C Against ALL Authorities
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Posted - 2010.07.14 19:25:00 -
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Act 3: G: "Hi, we're in a new act, do you have any fixes for my car?" S: "What's wrong with it?" G: "I told you last time! Hell, I even explained it to your mechanic before that!" S: "Ofcourse you did sir, no need to worry, we're working on fixes round the clock!" G: "Well, do you have any fixes for me now?" S: "Did I tell you about this new tractor we're building?" G: "Yes, you did, and I'm not interested in driving a tractor, I want my bloody car fixed!" S: "Ofcourse you do sir, no worry though, we have exactly what you need. Here it is!" G: "What the hell is that?" S: "Well it's a huge pair of fluffy dice you can hang from your rear-view mirror! Don't they look cute?" G: "Fluffy dice! I'm missing the left rear wheel on my car and can't get it into second gear! And you give me fluffy dice?" S: "No need to get upset sir, we're working as hard as we can. Lots of things are being done. We're really doing a lot of things here!" G: "Sure, but what do I need these fluffy dice for?" S: "Lets just try them on for size, I promise you we'll get round to the rest of your problems in due time and in the mean time you'll have these fluffy dice. No need to worry now!" G: "Well, that's just brilliant! Your fluffy dice ripped my rear-view mirror right out of its socket! Oh, great, they landed in the exposed gear-box as well. Now I can't get the damn car out of reverse!" S: "Just a minor inconvenience sir! We'll soon fix that. In fact, our mechanics are already working on it now. Honestly, they are!" G: "What the hell do you suppose I do now? Drive the car to work backwards?" S: "What an excellent suggestion sir! Very perceptive. I'll pass it on as a solution to our mechanics right away! I'm sure if you come back in the next act, we'll have fixed the other problems to your car as well!"
Act 4: G: "Yo, Sales Rep, what's happening with the fixes to my bloody car?" S: "Good day sir, what seems to be the problem with your car!" G: "Are you blind? Just look at it. It's a bloody scrapheap! And I arrived here driving backwards!" S: "Yes, I noticed that, but let me assure you our mechanics are working very hard to fix your gear-box!" G: "How about the missing wheel? And the steering? And the damned passenger door?" S: "I can assure you those are being worked on as well! I can assure you of that!" G: "Listen I've had quite enough of this. I'm not going to leave until you fix my bloody car!" S: "Well, we've been working very hard on this huge spoiler here. We can cello-tape that to the back of your car?" G: "Spoiler? I didn't want a spoiler! I want my bloody car fixed! And what do you mean cello-tape it to the back of my car?" S: "Well, we've been pouring a lot of mechanic time into building that spoiler, but we haven't gotten round to properly fixing it to something yet. But cello-tape should work for a while. Until we get round to fixing that ofcourse." G: "I don't want your broken spoiler I want you to fix my damn car!" S: "Well, that's going to be a bit difficult sir." G: "Why?" S: "Well remember that tractor we're building?" G: "Yes?" S: "Are you sure you don't want to drive that instead?" G: "NO!" S: "Well, then I'm sorry to say that if you don't want us to cello-tape that new spoiler to your car, we can't really help you for a while." G: "WHAT?" S: "You see, we've already allocated all our mechanic time to building the tractor, so we don't have time to fix your car until that's done!" G: "What? Is this some terrible joke?" S: "No sir. You see, we've taken the money you gave us leasing our car and invested it into building a tractor!" G: "WHAT?" S: "Yes, terribly sorry sir, but we'll be busy building the tractor for the next 18 to 24 months. We may be able to squeeze in a couple of novelty license-plates, if we're lucky, but rest assured, after all that, we'll probably will be able to start fixing your car." G: "You've gotta be takin' the ****!" S: "No si
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